I wrote recently about my difficulty navigating perceptions based off my body and I’m happy to report that, after another strange and much longer night than I was expecting, my “this person is just thirsty” radar has gotten even stronger. Here’s to small victories.
One of the many things I’m reflecting on is that I need people to do a little more than to just be physically attracted to me — and that I have been this way for a while, though the introduction of alcohol into my social experiences has clouded that requisite. My first boyfriend defended what he thought was the obviousness of his crush on me by pointing out the comments he used to make, funnily enough, about my ass. To which I said, a bunch of fuckboys say talk about my body though.
“Oh so I’m a fuckboy?”
I mean, if the shoe fits.
Showing interest in the physical is flimsy. It’s also boring. I don’t want people to be more creative in duping me but I would like more effort infused into getting to know me or, better yet, making it clear you don’t want to get to know me beyond in the biblical sense.
One of the many critiques of millennial mindsets is that of how we find people to date and how critical we can be of potential options. “Back in the old days we would walk 15 miles uphill both ways just to see a knee cap” or whatever the fuck means that being dissatisfied with people rolling up on you while in line at the gas station to get your phone number is being “entitled.” People still do use the methods of yesteryear — being hit on in person by a stranger isn’t completely non-existent but that shit also isn’t enough.
Enter dating apps. However a, very valid, critique of dating apps is that they place a hyper focus on the physical as the point of interest. But honestly, that’s not so different from finding people organically. I think we’re now expecting more depth from initial interactions, which is supposed to be provided by brief interest questions or quirky profile quotes, and, at the same time, expecting greater ease in finding what we want, both with sex and relationships. Our thirst for instant gratification is heightened.
Whether the search is online or in-person, what remains the same is that initial attraction being based off the physical and often not going past that. How many times have you heard “I’m not trying to just fuck” from someone who can’t even remember your name? Your inability to see me as more than a masturbatory tool is showing!
My disinterest in being a breathing fleshlight cannot be emphasized enough and yet, this is the pull I apparently have. Moving forward I do want to get better at disseminating who can focus beyond the physical (while that is what draws us to each other, it shouldn’t be the only thing tying us to someone) and challenging my own desire for immediate satisfaction. It’s been a struggle finding people who are genuinely interested in me and who aren’t simply seeing me as a warm body to fit into a category they want in their life at that moment. For now, I can appreciate the unsubtle & thirsty in low-stakes interactions — their clumsy missteps help me learn more slights of hand and conversation to look out for in the future.
